The Last Boy Scout (1991)
From the director of Top Gun, the writer of Lethal Weapon, the star of Die Hard and the star of Major Payne comes…The Last Boy Scout.
Basically the only reason anybody stops for a second if they see this movie on an obscure cable channel is for the opening scene of the football player shooting the defenders to score a touchdown. What I forgot was the opening Hank Williams MNF spoof which appears to be Huey Lewis. Let’s enjoy the lyrics together:
Friday night’s a great night for football (Okay, HS football usually, but I’ll allow it)
You can feel it in the air like lightning on the edge of the night (What?)
You can feel it everywhere, but it’s party
time in
Friday night’s a great night for football (Again, I’ll allow it)
(Illegible: something like, “catching as tight ends, ready to do it”) (That involves some elements of football, but—again—what?!)
Friday night’s a great night for football (Yup)
Sit back and relax and let’s get down to it (I will, Huey, when you stop waving your hands around like a maroon because you forgot to hold a guitar and pretend to play like Hank does)
It’s gonna be a helluva fight (If it involves a semi-professional
football team in
You got a great night of football tonight (Yes, but when is the game?)
In this primetime jungle (Uh oh)
Every (again, illegible) primal? is a rumble (Jeez louise, Huey)
Every seat’s the fifty-yard line (So they’re not gonna move the camera around? That sucks)
Guaranteed to have a good time, wowowowooo! (Great, now they got Huey wowowoing)
Guitar solo! Wang a wang a wang a waaaang!
Friday night’s a great night for football (Sure is)
The Cats and the Stallions are ready to do it! (I sure hope that means ‘play football’)
(Chorus again) (Enough already, Huey! Is there a hockey game on?)
Sit back and relax and let’s get down to it (Aahhhh, the song’s on repeat!)
It’s gonna be a helluva night! (When will this nightmare end?!)
We got a great night of football tonight? (Oh, that’s tonight? I can’t Huey, I’m busy watching this crappy movie)
(Now he’s talking over the beat like a rapper, okay we might be nearing the end..)
Ahh, we got some football here! (Ya don’t say)
It’s Friday night, y’all (This has been established)
Let’s kick this thing off here! (For the love of God, yes)
Hey! (Hey, indeed)
We
now join your semi-professional football team in
Verne Lundquist and Dick Butkus!
The LA Cats and the
Lynn Swann!
The owner is legendary Texas Ranger CD Parker? This movie is already star-fucking-studded and we haven’t even gotten to Marlon Wayans’ brother yet.
That should be it’s own sport: Gunball! Friday night’s a great night for Gunball.
So his mentality was, “If I don’t score, the mob’s gonna kill me. So I’ll kill some guys, score and then kill myself. Which they would’ve done if I didn’t score, but I did score, ah fuck it—BANG!”
MacGyver’s wacky friend!
Where do you find a dead squirrel that easily?
Why do I get the impression that Bruce Willis was actually hungover and/or still drunk for this scene and most likely the entire movie? He’s a method actor.
Casual hot tub drowning.
Damon Wayans has the “best arm in the National League?” I thought this was a football movie.
Damon Wayans is bangin’ Bruce Willis’ wife?
Nope, it’s MacGyver’s buddy.
I don’t even think Macgyver himself could have helped ol’ Jack out of that jam.
“I was lonely!” “Buy a dog.” Comeback of the year by Bruce.
Boobs!
I’m
glad
Eddie Fucking Griffin as the strip club DJ. From now on, every strip club DJ role should be given to Eddie Griffin, no questions asked.
“C’mon chickenshit,
bust me in the chops.”
Weird rape flashbacks by Bruce.
I can’t say I’ve ever seen somebody escape a gangland execution with Yo Momma jokes.
Well, there goes the hot chick. Thanks a lot, villains!
“Go Tarzan!” Ya lost me, Damon.
CD
Parker was dating
Damon Wayans ‘bout to get blowed up.
“What’s yo trip, yo?”
Jake’s punchin’ suckas left and right.
“This ain’t no game, Flash. Real guns. Real bullets.” Well, that one game had real guns and real bullets. And Huey Lewis.
Callin’ him a ‘fuckup’ and stuff. Bruce’s daughter’s badass.
Random Don Johnson slam. Nash Bridges will kick your everlovin’ ass, Wayans. And he’ll kick it with radical camera angles, too.
Damon likes the candy.
A Super Dave reference.
“Somebody just bounced Jimmy Dix off a car.” “Somebody just bounced Jimmy’s dick off a car?”
“Fuck that. Fuck you. Fuck that.”
What a dated film. Football is a dying beast and the criminal plot is to legalize sports gambling.
Hey! Spuds McKenzie! Must be a party somewhere..
The Effeminate Villain.
“You think you’re so fucking cool, don’t you? You think you’re so fucking cool.” What? That’s not something an arch-villain says to the hero; that’s something a nerd says to the high school quarterback when he gets drunk at his first party.
I like how all the bad guys enjoy Bruce Willis’ jokes.
That guy was mildly perturbed by a car landing in his pool, exploding and a rogue detective and all-star quarterback showing up, shooting the car and stealing his car.
Haha, black guys can’t spell.
Did The Effeminate Villain just threaten to rape Bruce Willis’ daughter? The hell?
Danian. Hey Bruce, give your daughter a girl’s name next time.
Evil
CD Parker is very unsettling. I’m uncomfortable when he’s not teaching
Not sure what just happened there but a lot of people are on fire now.
Damon Wayans: Horseman.
Helicopters,
horses, people hanging from lights, Senators with bloody noses. Still not nearly as crazy as a
And Bruce Willis is dancing and the entire stadium is cheering. The. Fuck.
I’m surprised the catchphrase “And then some” never caught on. And then some! Hiyo!
I think Bruce Willis is the all-time record holder in reconciling with loved ones at crime scenes.
Ohh, CD Parker exploded. It’s humorous to us.
“This being the nineties..” Maybe the best quote ever.
Overall: Two out of Four Happy Ethans. Directing – X Writing – X Acting – V Music – V
The thing I’ll take away most from
this film? Huey Lewis kickin’ out the jams (even
though it wasn’t Huey Lewis, it was one of the Righteous Brothers). Friday
night’s a great night for football, indeed.