Bob Ryan Also Sucks –
Shaughnessy hasn’t written
anything of note in eleven days, but ol’ Bobby just keeps on pluggin’ along..
And so the assault on Castle Ryan
continues..
(Bob’s insufferable pomposity in bold,
my zingers, bingers & bangers in plain.)
A Good Move? Stay Put
That’s what Bob’s ass does..
Kinda like Bob’s new diet: He
whittled dinner down from fifteen courses to nine.
The problem: This is a want,
not a need.
“You know, like: I want
caramel, but I need nougat.”
Their desire to
"upgrade" is the wrong quest at the wrong time.
Do they realize how difficult it
will be for me to change the dateline on all my Spring
Training articles? My caps lock is broken, dammit!
Who doesn't know these are the
most perilous economic times since the Great Depression?
Rich people?
And anyone who's paying attention
understands that few areas are having more difficult economic times than southwest
Ha, yeah. They’re poor..
John Henry, Tom Werner, and Larry Lucchino aren't stupid.
Well..
They should get it. Any action
that asks either Fort Myers or Lee County to spend a dime on their behalf is
shameless.
Shamelessly profitable!
There is no good reason for the
Red Sox to be seeking a new venue.
Except for maybe they want to
build a stadium that can hold more than 8,000 so more people can see and enjoy
the Sox in the preseason, since nobody can afford to go to a regular season
game anymore..
City of
Palms Park was built for them
in 1992,
Thanks to Mike Greenwell! Factoids!
amid great controversy. It was
plopped into the middle of a residential neighborhood, and it could not have
been built without forcible evictions. Think West End.
Except less important, since
they’re Floridians.
Meanwhile, there is nothing
wrong with it. Oh, sure, it needs annual upkeep. Who doesn't?
I don’t.
But the fact is this is a perfectly
adequate facility, with great seating and sight lines, a very impressive locker
room, a proper weight facility, an adequate supply of batting cages, etc. No
one can say this isn't a decent facility.
Decent isn’t good enough, dammit!
So what's the problem? As far
as I can tell, the Red Sox would be happier if their minor league fields, their
auxiliary fields, which are about 2 1/2 miles up the street, were attached to
the main ballpark, the way they are for the Twins and the Rays, among others.
Boo-hoo.
He’s not sarcastically crying.
He’s out of nougat.
It's a nonissue. The Red Sox
are operating from their minor league facility right now. There are enough
fields for everyone to get their work in. The major league club will relocate
to City of Palms Park when games begin. From that point on, a Red Sox official will have to make that arduous trek 2
1/2 miles up the street if he needs to go to the minor league facility.
Does he have to walk there?
The horror!
Again, not sarcasm.
Things are bad in southwest Florida.
Yeah, people from Florida live
there.
According to the New Yorker,
"The highest [foreclosure] rate in the country could be found in Fort
Myers and Cape Coral, where 12 percent of the area's residences were in
foreclosure."
Boo-hoo. Hey! I’m Bob Ryan!
A drive down US 41 from Fort
Myers to Naples is a shocking and sobering experience.
Unless you’re drunk.
You cannot imagine how many
abandoned and shuttered shopping malls there are,
The shopping malls?! Not the
shopping malls!! ANYTHING BUT THE SHOPPING MALLS! HEY, MY CAPS LOCK IS WORKING
AGAIN..
and not just along US 41. And
that's just the beginning of the shocking story.
BUT I CANNOT POSSIBLY BE SHOCKED
ANY FURTHER! OKAY, NOW IT’S STUCK..
So how can the Red Sox even
think about hitting up the local taxpayers for a facility estimated to cost
between $50 million and $75 million,
Because it’s hilarious?
especially when, no matter what
they say, they simply do not need it? They simply want what others have.
What kind of monsters are these
people?!!?!
Boo-hoo.
“Now I’m out of imitation-nougat!”
Not everyone here is pleased.
Well, they do live in
Florida.
On Monday, The News-Press of Fort Myers,
a very good paper,
(for a state run by illiterates)
devoted its entire letters to
the editors section to people who needed to vent about the proposed deal.
For me, the most eloquent
person was Albert Sengeto of Fort Myers. A sample of his presentation:
“RAAR!!4 DIS IS REEDICKYOULESS!
I’M-A GET MA GUN N KILL ALL DEM YANKEES! GOBBLEDYGOOK!!!5”
Oh, no wait; here it is:
"The state and county are
both suffering a budget shortfall.
Boo-hoo.
They want our underpaid
teachers to take a salary cut or face layoffs.
Boo-hoo.
We are highlighted in the
national news as an example of the recession with 10 percent unemployment . . .
Boo-hoo.
Newly built strip malls sit
empty . . .
Boo-hoo.
home foreclosures are
overwhelming the county.
Boo.
All branches of county
employees face layoffs.
Dash.
Businesses are closing
everywhere.
Hoo.
With all this going on, the
biggest problem for our elected officials appears to be where to build a
ballpark for the Red Sox."
You see how that can get annoying,
Bob?
The Red Sox are relying on the
old argument that their presence is a boon to the local economy, and that's
true.
Those assholes! Using an argument
that is true and factual! Off with their heads!!
Now they can say a new stadium
will provide construction jobs, and that's true. But once the construction is
done, the only jobs left are one-month jobs.
As a blogger
(!)
Bob Ryan’s aware of blogs,
apparently. Uh oh..
named Kato Man
OJ’s superhero sidekick..
observed, "Maybe all the
teachers that will be out of work from lack of funding can get jobs at the new
stadium, selling hot dogs."
Probably get paid better. And all
the hot dogs you can eat!
Or, as letter writer Jill S.
Pett pointed out, "After construction of the Red Sox stadium is completed,
the jobs that remain will be largely part-time peanut vendors - nice for some
extra cash, but hardly family supporting employment."
Bob Ryan loves to make the same
point multiple times in his articles, just in case you fell asleep/got hungry
halfway through.
The Red Sox will argue that the
Lee County authorities have made them a priority, and they're simply going
along. The Red Sox did spurn the strong goo-goo eyes focused on them by the
city of Sarasota, the reason being the apparent desperation of Lee County to
keep them anchored here. It's not just money. Lee County very much likes
basking in the reflective glory of the two-time world champion Red Sox.
The pervs..
But the Red Sox should restrain
themselves.
And put a ball gag in their
mouths..
Staying here is enough of a
commitment to Fort Myers. They don't have to stick their hand out for $50
million or $75 million at a time when the area is under economic siege.
How bad are things here?
I don’t know. Howww badddd are
theyyyyy?
The local Little Leagues are
reporting a severe drop in enrollment because so many families cannot afford
the registration fees.
Haha..ha. I don’t get it..
So instead of allowing the Lee
County authorities to prostrate themselves at their feet,
Ew..
the Red Sox, who have benefited
so greatly over the past 16 years from the generosity of the
This rich baseball team should pay
for things that doesn’t concern it! Jimmy Fund ain’t shit! Do more! Give us
free! Give us free!
The Red Sox will continue to be
a boon to the local economy, playing out of City of
Hey
Bob Ryan is a Globe
columnist. He can be reached at ryan@globe.com.
~~~
Well
there ya go, another one in the books. The old “rich people are the enemy”
concept. Gets ‘em every time..
Boo-friggin’-hoo.