I Am Legend (2007)

The Fresh Prince and a bunch of zombies, gettin’ jiggy wit’ it.

The cure for cancer. Dammit, I thought of that! The darn US government, always stealin’ my ideas.

Well, apparently the cure for cancer is zombies. Works.

That’s how I like to see New York—completely empty. Not a single New Yorker in sight, what a life that would be.

The Fresh Prince and Hooch.

Will Smith, deer hunter. I have a theory that rich people like Will Smith hunt Man on the weekends, like that movie with Ice-T. Who would stop them? The cancer cure-stealing US government? I don’t think so.

Gotta watch out for those New York lions.

Best part of the movie so far? The Batman-Superman movie poster. Solid prediction, I give it a three year window before that’s put into development.

Why does he have a small jar of pee on the dinner table?

Thank God, finally a movie with Matt Lauer in it. Wait, did I just write that out loud? Say something masculine, quick! Um, uh, gee Will Smith looks good in that shirt. Dammit!

Cryin’ out loud Will, turn the zombie alarm off.

Uh oh, it’s one of those movies. Real quiet slow scenes lulling you, luring you in and then BOOM! Zombies! Or lions! Or whatever!

See? They’re talking, driving through Manhattan, then BOOM! Zombie!

Damn, Fresh Prince is jacked. Whoops, did it again. Um, boobs are cool.

Will Smith, deer hunter/zombie scientist.

Whoa, angry rats.

I have a feeling there are a lot of people in the South living in the present like Will Smith is living in the future.

Talking to his dog and mannicans. Fresh Prince might be losing his Freshness.

Robert Neville. Must be one of the Neville Brothers. Not the one with the shit on his face, though.

This dog is totally out-acting Will Smith.

I think Sam the Dog is supposed to be a symbolic representation of DJ Jazzy Jeff. I shall dub thee DJ Jazzy Dog.

So the cancer cure makes them lose all their body hair and huddle in circles in the dark? Might as well have just given them heroin, they woulda had more fun. And more hair.

Got dang, I caught me a zombie!

The Army has magical zombie-identifying doohickeys.

Will Smith talking to his dog; very Tom Hanks talking to his volleyball-esque.

The mannicans are alive? It’s like that movie about the mannicans that come alive…what’s that movie called?...oh yeah, Mannican.

And Will Smith’s officially lost his mind.

And Will Smith’s officially upside-down.

These zombies don’t have anything to do with Will Smith’s troubles. He just keeps getting hung upside-down and stabbing himself. Zombies got nothin’ to do with it.

Oh shit, zombie dogs. Just like Resident Evil, except with less hot chicks.

Aw, DJ Jazzy Dog got bit. Boo. Killing the cute dog never wins over your audience. Just kill off Will Smith, before he puts out another rap album.

So Michael Vick kills dogs in his own backyard and he’s imprisoned; Will Smith chokes a dog out and shoots three others on screens across America and he’s nominated for Academy Awards. Racists. It’s ‘cause Will Smith’s white, isn’t it?

That was almost as tragic as when Tom Hanks had to choke out that volleyball when it started to turn into an island cannibal.

Cool zombie battle, with the head zombie barking out orders and stuff. And then a lady with a floodlight saves the day. It’s always a lady with a floodlight.

Well I guess they’re gonna have to start doin’ it to repopulate New York.

Hey! Ethan! The only boy to survive the zombie apocalypse is an Ethan. Makes sense. We’re a crafty people, us Ethans. ‘Course he is a New York Ethan, but still…

“I was savin’ that bacon. I was savin’ it.”

Note to self: Plexiglass is not zombie-proof.

Oh, so Will Smith was the Legend. I thought it was that one mannican who could walk around and stuff.

The thing I will take away most from this film is that Will Smith memorized Shrek line-for-line. Kinda like me with Step Up 2: The Streets.

Overall: Three out of Four Happy Ethans. Directing: V. Acting: V. Writing: X. Music: V.

Of the two films I’ve reviewed with Ethans in them, this one’s probably the best with D-War: Dragon Wars coming in a very close second.

In all seriousness, solid film, probably the best one I’ve reviewed so far. And Will Smith’s probably the most likeable actor I’ve reviewed so far, with Gary Busey coming in a very close second.

And the head zombie with the gaping mouth that roars all the time was probably the scariest zombie I’ve reviewed so far, with the gay retarded black zombie with dreadlocks from Day of the Dead 2: Contagium coming in a close second.