Wednesday, July 29th:  Yeesh, haven't been around here in awhile. Smells. Shoulda left the windows open.

New Dan Shaughnessy Sucks. 

Check out the greatest movie poster ever.

Tuesday, June 10th:  New Dan Shaughnessy Sucks.

Check out www.blogcritics.com/sports. I'm on there somewhere.. 

Can't believe my Nazi Uncle got out of the home today. Really embarrassing..

Monday, June 1st:  As we begin Month One of Year Three, a new Dan Shaughnessy Sucks for your enjoyment/deridement. 

And thanks for all the visits in May. It was the greatest month the site's had since February and the second-greatest month in the history of the site. Not bad for a site that updates once in a blue friggin' moon.

LOST PLANE!

Friday, May 2009:  Today is, crazily, the two-year anniversary of ethanbooker.com. It's easy to just buy a domain name and throw up a website and update it scarcely & randomly; which I guess is exactly what I've done for two years. In honor of the event, here's the kind of party I'm expecting this evening: Partyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! 

Wednesday, May 27th:  A Dan Shaughnessy/Bob Ryan Suck Double Dip! It's hard to say who sucks more. Too close to call. It's like the 2000 Election of Suck.

Vote Sucks in 2009..

 Thursday, May 21st:  Dan Shaughnessy Sucks companion piece up now. Big Papi sucks! Now he doesn't! Make up your mind, you filthy Irishman!

 Tuesday, May 5th:  New Bob Ryan Also Sucks.

What the heck's up with all these darn Mexicans running around today? Half-off at the dollar store today?..

Monday, May 4th:  New Dan Shaughnessy Sucks.

Hey Dwight Howard: You smell. 

Thursday, April 30th:  New Dan Shaughnessy Sucks.

RONDO THROWS WHITE PEOPLE!

Wednesday, April 29th:  Three new Bob Ryan Also Sucks. That 'ol boy is muhfuckin' superfluous. 

Tuesday, April 28th:  New Bob Ryan Also Sucks.

PIRATE PIG FLU!

 Monday, April 27th:  Two new Dan Shaughnessy Sucks and two new Bob Ryan Also Sucks up.

SOMALIAN PIRATE SWINE FLU!

Tuesday, April 21st:  New Dan Shaughnessy Sucks up. Man, he sucks..

SOMALIAN PIRATES!!! 

Wednesday, April 15th:  New Bob Ryan Also Sucks piece. Jumpin' on the Bruins bandwagon. Save room for me, Bob! 

SOMALIAN PIRATES!!

Friday, April 10th:  New Bob Ryan Also Sucks piece added. It's been nearly two months, wonder where he's been?..

SOMALIAN PIRATES! 

Monday, April 6th:  Three new movie reviews added: The Last Boy Scout, Blue Chips & Street Fighter. Mid-90's mu'fuckas!

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Just been so busy trying to get that damn North Korean rocket off the ground. We should be good now, though.. 

Thursday, February 19th:  More hilarious bball links from lowposts.. 

Well, we shipped off Cassell & O'Bryant. Not bad, Boston. Now go sign Horry and we can rest comfortably this weekend..

Monday, February 16th:  A new page added, in order to combat Boston Globe columnists. Kinda like a caveman fighting dinosaurs.

Also a new story (!) added to the Unfinished section. Just one scene, but hopefully more are on the way. If you enjoy backwoods Appalachian incestuous Militia families, you're gonna love this.. 

Wednesday, February 11th:  More Lowposts links, featuring Leonard Nimoy & Alan Greenspan!

I am very proud of this picture and would like to share it with you now. That's what we Mainahs call 'Aht.'

Tuesday, February 5th:  More lowposts stories, including what could become an ethanbooker.com feature: Dan Shaughnessy Sucks.. I'll rip apart his basketball articles on lowposts. But anything Sox/Pats-related I might have to tear apart on here, if I can stand it..

Spoken in a thick Hispanic accent: "We tried...to get the dog...away from the baby.........But the dog...was already...inside..the baby..."

Monday, January 26th:  A bunch more Lowposts.com links added today.

So you're telling me I'm out of the running for Father of the Year because I forced my adopted Congolese children into the Union of Congolese Patriots and taught them to kill? I'm beginning to think this whole thing is just a popularity contest..

 Friday, January 16th: More Lowposts posts. Including our first ever live blog. Tune in next Thursday for the second one, featuring my Celts and Penny Hardaway's Magic.. Also my conference championship predictions. One of those should be right..

Oh, so you thought everybody was fine and dandy after that plane crash yesterday. Hmm? Is that what you thought? WELL WHAT ABOUT THE GUY CANOEING DOWN THE MOTHERLOVIN' HUDSON!!! You should see the knot on the side of my head! Stupid plane..

Friday, January 9th: Buncha new b-ball posts, and my Divisional Round picks. Upsets galore!

Hey Celts, here's a plan: Stop fucking losing, you twats! 

Tuesday, January 6th: Two new lowposts...posts. Enjoy, but please; read responsibly.

Man, this whole Gaza mess is bummin' me out. Whatever happened to fun news like Somalian pirates or naked Miley Cyrus photos?

Monday, January 5th: Happy Belated New Year! A couple quick new links to lowposts.com.

Oh, and sorry Israel about all those rockets fired this morning. I can't figure out this goddam new coffemaker in the Hamas Dining Hall..

Wednesday, December 31st: Wild Card picks and the latest LJFTCC entry up. And I really hope this Bangkok nightclub fire doesn't hurt our band's cred. Maybe I just have to stop throwing lit Yankee Candles into the crowd after every show.. 

Monday, December 29th: New feature over at www.lowposts.com: The Lebron James Future Team Cavalcade Carousel. Also, Wild Card Round picks on Wednesday. No Pats? Go Iggles. Cheering for Philly teams makes me queasy, but OLB Akeem Jordan's a Duke Dog. Gotta 'sent..

Crap, those darn Israelis shot a rocket into my Hamas headquarters; I better toss it out the window before it 'splodes.

Tuesday, December 23rd: A couple new www.lowposts.com links. NFL picks should be up early on Wednesday. And if you can, illegally download The Foreign Exchange's new album Leave It All Behind. Shit's badass.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to finish my military coup of Guinea before Christmas..Or at the very least, before New Years (tax reasons)..

Thursday, December 11th: Just a reminder that, even though I'm not always updating the front page, I'm constantly updating the site. Weekly football picks and lowposts.com articles, and maybe a surprise here or there in the stories section.

And a special Congratulations (or should I say Gefeliciteerd!) to the Dutch for beating those filthy Americans in hits, so far this month. Dank je, Netherlands; dank je indeed.

Step your game up, America. Our fat lazy asses invented this web-surfing shit.

Thursday, November 20th: Three new movie reviews: The Faculty, The Inglorious Bastards and The Happening. And, as always, weekly updated NFL picks and links to new articles on www.lowposts.com. Now I gotta get back up to the poop deck, I think some of those damned Somali pirates got on my boat. I'll have to fight 'em off before they seriously delay my crayon shipment, or Crayola's gonna have my ass.  

Saturday, October 11th:  Check out www.lowposts.com. A basketball website with a twist. The twist being me and my awesomeness. I'm writing under the pseudonym of ebooker, because that's sorta my name. Enjoy. Tell 'em Ethan sent ya. 

Sunday, September 28th: Added five new movie reviews: Cloverfield, 10,000 B.C., National Treasure 2, Vantage Point, and The Terminator.  Also retooled (ha, tool) the site alittle to make it more navigateable. I'd say more, but I gotta get on the road up to Anaheim so I can break Francisco Rodriguez's wrist before Wednesday..

Friday, September 12th: Added a new page, NFL picks. No spread, no gamblin', just straight-up who's gonna win. I went a respectably crappy 8-8 in Week 1, proving that though I just added this today, I ain't cheatin'. Anyway, seriously Matt Cassel--no pressure.. 

Monday, September 8th: Two new movie reviews: Day of the Dead (A remake to the first one, but in no relation to the second one I reviewed earlier with the retarded zombies and the one with dreadlocks) and Star Wars (The first one, but not the first one with Ewan McGregor but the first first one with gay robots). Please enjoy my snideness. And my new word (snideness).  

Friday, August 29th: Real quick. Watch this. Probably the greatest music video ever created by Man. Tupac is crying in Heaven right now. I got nothing beyond this for now, but I promise some stuff in the near future. (Probably just some movie reviews for now, so if you're not a fan of those feel free to be pissed.) Email ethanbooker@ethanbooker.com for movie requests for me to review or any other ideas of dumb stuff for me to write.

 It's so cold in the D. Next time I go, I'm bringin' a jacket. And a small can of beer to pour out for my homies, 'cause apparently I can't afford an entire 40. It's so cold in the D...

Friday, July 4th: Well, I'm back sorta. I was in Colombia for the past month or so trying to rescue some chick. We finally get back home and it's all about her, what a camera hog. Anyways, I just added a new story: The Iraq, The Iraqier, and The Iraqiest, a modern take on The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly...or maybe it was Sixteen Candles, I don't remember. So, God Bless America, Support the Troops, Make Love Not War, Eat at Arby's, all that business. More movie reviews to come soon, so that probably means sometime in late 2010. Ubuntu!

Thursday, May 8th: Four new movie reviews to peruse: Stargate, Shark Attack 2, I Am Legend, and Southland Tales.
Also check out the greatest rap battle of all-time. You might as well just fast-forward to the 1:50 mark and watch Eli from the Class of 2005 in action. Tupac's been reborn. And the voting at the end was totally rigged. Eli from the Class of 2005 was robbed.
Until next time, just remember: "I'm the best, mayne. I deed eet."

Thursday, April 10th: The 4th entry of The Red Sox Chronicles is up. Academy Award-Nominated Director Michael Mann was kind enough to grace us with a baseball-centric retelling of his 2004 classic, Collateral; this time without all the Scientology undertones...well, maybe just alittle. L. Ron Bless You All.
Also, check out my new all-time favorite Walken SNL sketch. Long live Poehler.

Monday, April 7th: The 3rd entry of The Red Sox Chronicles is up. A word to Texas State Troopers: Stop raiding my polygamist compounds. That's the third one I've lost this year, ya jerks.

Monday, March 31st: The 2nd entry in The Red Sox Chronicles has been added. Awesome dawesome.

Tuesday, March 25th: The Sox Box has been re-tooled and re-named. Please give a warm welcome to The Red Sox Chronicles. The first article has been added after my whirlwind trip to Tokyo and back. Let's go Sox.

Monday, March 24th: Added the 2nd Sox Box entry and another review, Day of the Dead 2: Contagium. If anyone wants to donate ninety dollars so I can sign up for mlb.tv and better my Sox Box entries by being able to watch every Sox game, feel free. Seriously, feel free. In return, I'll advertise anything you want advertised on this site. I'll whore this site out like the trick that it is.

Friday, February 29th: Happy Leap Year. And a belated congratulations to all the bandwagon Giants fans I've seen walking around LA in brand-new caps and tees. I'm glad you guys were behind Eli and Coughlin the whole time. Good stuff.
Anyways, on a happier note, I've got some new shit. Three new movie reviews: Blood Diamond, Live Free or Die Hard and Dragon Wars. (If I were you, and I'm not, I'd just skip right ahead to Dragon Wars) Enjoy. More on the way.
Also I'm just testing out this site to see if I can post pictures on here, so here's The Transformation of Ethan, by Ethan. From filthy homeless person, to Mexican narc, to Fully-Shaved Ethan. Well, not fully fully-shaved...
Before: During: After:
Dang, that beard really was doing a good job of covering up the double-chin...

Sunday, January 6th: Happy New Yearrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Hurrah. Just added a new section: The Sox Box. A chronicling of the 2008 Boston Red Sox season. For diehards only, no Yanquis fans allowed.  

Tuesday, December 18th: Moved to LA. Looking for an apartment. More updates once I get my got-dang PC out of my trunk. In the meantime, watch this cool video Eric Wareheim directed: Polite Dance Song. The chick's hot, but that last dancer is electric. Happy Kwanza. Or is it Kwanzaa? Kwanzaaa?

Sunday, November 25th: Another Episode added to The Family. Happy Hanukah.

Sunday, November 11th: My half-hearted stab at a sitcom, The Family, added. Enjoy it you knuckleheads.

Tuesday, November 6th: Spiderman 3 review added. Also, if anybody wants to get updates when I add stuff, email me your email at ethanbooker@ethanbooker.com and I'll start making a list. So you don't have to sit there all day at work and hit refresh, like I do. "When is this Ethan asshole gonna update his site? Oh wait, I'm that asshole..."